Paradoxes

I read this yesterday in my quiet time and wanted to share it. It's from my daily devo book I used titled "Reflections for Ragamuffins". "When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer. To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life's story, the light side and the dark side. In admitting my shadow side, I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God."" To my ragamuffin friends, here's to experinencing that goodness, my fellow saints. Cheers!

Up and Down Week

For those that read Tuesday's post, they know that Tuesday was a great day. Restful and I picked up a new line that looks good. Wednesday was pretty good, too. I was tired from all the travel, but we really had a good time at group. We read thru James 2 and used Grant's marination techniques to dive into the passage. No huge revelaton, but everyone got involved and the group just clicked. That was pretty neat. Thursday I hit the wall. I had gotten some news about one of my kids grades, and that child had been lying about it, because they didn't want us to find out about it. So, we were forced to take some drastic measures as consequences last night. So last night and today were YUCKKKK! I don't think our kids understand how hard that is on Judy and I. I know that we don't like it or look forward to it. It is the hardest part of parenting. If my child could benefit by me not doing anything, or for me to take a beating for them, or what ever, I'd do it. I hate depriving my kids. I want them to enjoy life and enjoy the activites that they chosen to be a part of. But for me to let my kids believe that life is about just having fun or not having to be responsible or honest, that would do them a great disservice to them. I wouldn't be a very good parent. It makes me think of the scripture "the father that loves his child disciplines his child". You know that is written for us parents. But I also think that it's written for us to see our heavenly Father, our Abba, and His great love for us as well.It helps us to know that when we do fail, and we are going thru a time of discipline or correction, that He loves us still. Enough to do the right thing about it. Something today tells me that when we stray, and He corrects us, that He is sadden. I think that He would rather be giving us life abundantly. But, He knows that without molding us thru times of discipline, we can not enjoy our abundance, or even see clearly to serve Him. I know I've felt like crap today.

Restfulness

It's 6:24am Wednesday morning, and I feel great. I'm in Texarkana, TX on business following a day driving from Little Rock to Ruston, LA, then here. Man, I was beat. I'm up at 6 because I when to bed at 9pm. It's been a long time since I've been to bed that early. It feels so good to get to bed early and get up early, but I know that it ain't happening at home. Too many night owls where I live. Including me. One of my favorites things that will cause me to go back to a hotel, motel, whatever, are big fluffy pillows. And guess what? This place has 'em. 5 of 'em. Just lay 'em around the bed and wallow on 'em. Love those big, fluffy pillows. Well, I'm almost 1/2 thru my first cup, so I'm off to spend time with God. There will be a lot of thankfulness in my prayers today.

Forgiveness

Have you ever heard anyone say, "I can't believe that I did that. I''ll never be able to forgive myself. " I believe that's what happens when we aren't able to fully accept the forgiveness that Jesus offers. There is no doubt that thru Him we are able to find forgiveness. But as Christians, we are called to forgive. I believe that the conduit from Jesus's forgiveness and the ability to forgive others is self-forgiveness. How can I forgive someone who's stolen from me, till I forgive the thief that is me? How can I forgive the one telling lies about me if I can't forgive the liar I am? Forgiveness we find in Christ is not transferable through the man who can not forgive himself of the very things that Christ Himself has forgiven. Just as the abilty to love others come only after we've experienced God's love and then learn to love ourselves; I believe that forgiveness of others comes only after we've experienced the healing power of the forgiveness of our sins that comes from Jesus Christ and then humbly forgive ourselves. there is power in the blood there is victory in Jesus

Everything

A quote from a book I'm reading, "If Jesus isn't everything, he's nothing. " Short, but to the point. I find me saying this to myself when I'm caught up in my little life. But how to make Jesus everything in the midst of raising teenagers, paying the mortgage, convincing a client why he needs what I'm selling, or watching The Aquatic Life with Steve Zissou is preplexing to say the least and just down right hard. Then again, I'm the guy that wants it all. I want everything. Beats nothing.

Prayer

I am so happy about doing spiritual disciplines in 5:36. I have 5 guys in my small group and 4 of them and myself are going to Brazil on a missions trip in March. I was getting concerned about the purpose of the trip getting lost in the "seeing a difference country...or culture.... or the it'll be so cooool (which it will)" and us missing the part about us serving God, and seeing what He wants to do in our life. I really think this will help us to hone in on God. Truthfully, I'm not as concerned on what we'll do as I am on what God's got in store for us. I really believe that God is wanting to reveal Himself to us in a new and different way. I'm concerned that if we are not prepared, we....I... may miss the depth of what He has to show us ....me. Jesus waited and listened for His Abba. Then did what his Abba told Him to do. Jesus say that,"I assure you, the Son can do nothing by Himself." This is my prayer that my guys and me are listening to the Father, and preparing ourselves to do what He wants us to do. Less of me is more of Jesus.

I have been thinking about where I live most of the time mentally and what that has to do with how I see my existence in the world. for the most part I spend most of time thinking about the material stuff that I can see and feel and smell. but this is not where I want to camp. I am no longer of this world but the spirit world. I am a stranger to this place. I long for home, and home is heaven. the reason I long for home and feel like a stranger in a strange place is because of the indwelling of the holy spirit. the spirit becomes embattled with the fleshly materialist self. thus the conflict. when I yield to the spirit my fleshly nature feels unsatisfied, yet when I yield to the flesh, well, most of the time that feels pretty good initially, but usually comes back to bite me in the butt. yielding to the spirit in a world that clamors for material wealth and security, social position and a desire to control every circumstance is hard. but looking at my example, Jesus, I see that he had no desire for any of these things of the flesh. he yielded in every situation to his Abba. the truth is the same for me. that Jesus that lives in me, longs to do the will of his father. it’s my fleshliness that ends up feeling unsatisfied. learning to become more like Jesus, for me, is to become more uncomfortable with those fleshly desires and learning to put them aside, and more comfortable with those things he ask of me. knowing that when I do respond to Jesus, I may lose friends, be looked down on, sacrifice wealth, and feel out of control of my immediate future. if i lose my life i gain everything and at the cross away with all death's sting Lord, i want it all Lord, i want it all

Why I want it all

The reason I came to call this blog I want it all is from an album I have being listening to the last 6 months. Shane and Shane's Upstairs CD. One of the tracks is called "I Want it All". Here's the chorus: to starve is to feast and less of me is more of Jesus Lord, i want it all Lord, i want it all if i lose my life i gain everything and at the cross away with all death's sting Lord, i want it all Lord, i want it all The contridiction I is that while I do want more of Jesus, I also want more of everything else. My own walk with Him has not found me to be so pure or so pious that I can't say that I don't lust for new cars and a bigger house, etc. ad nausem. I like new stuff like computers, and cell phones, but I find that when all is striped away, and I'm left facing just Jesus, that He is all I want. He is what my heart desires. What the toys can't fulfil, He can. So... this year my aim is to try to live with my toys, and my fleshly desires somewhat in check and to devote as much of my headspace to Him that I can. I feel so much more honest about saying, Lord, I want it all. Because He does know that my flesh does long to be fulfilled, but my heart, the place of His permanent residence, cries that it may join with my thoughts, and cry, Lord, less of me is more of Jesus. Lord, I want it all.